Interacting with toddlers

Posted: 2026-01-09

Introduction

My son recently turned one year old. I’ve seen a gap between people who “get” kids —naturals at interacting with toddlers— and people who don’t. This text is my advice for the second group, based on my experience as a father.

Disclaimer: This is based on what seems to work for my son. I suspect this applies to most children, but every kid is unique.

Let them come

Let kids come to you on their own terms. Never pressure or force them to interact with you. Maintain your distance, let the kid be the one who reduces it.

Give them time. When toddlers arrive in new environments, they are in an high-alert state. It might take them anywhere from a few minutes to hours to relax, depending on their personality, tiredness, hunger, etc.. They need to first feel at ease before daring to interact with strangers.

Expect to be ignored. Especially in the beginning, being ignored is normal. Don’t take it personally.

Give agency

Kids crave the feeling of agency. My son loves pressing buttons and watching things happen. Find ways to give children this feeling, help them find ways to make noise or decide how their interaction with you goes.

Offer the kid objects. If they offer you objects, take them and thank them. If they walk away, let them go.

Be friendly and playful

Smile. It sounds obvious, but still: try to appear as friendly as possible.

Peek-a-boo. The simple game of hiding your face behind your hands and calling them works wonders.

Get silly. Unexpected things –like putting a cup over your head or hiding behind a chair– can be comedy gold to a toddler. They want to laugh at what you’re doing.

High-pitched voices are better than low. You don’t have to do this, but it might help if you’re up for it.

As you play with them, make silly sounds. One way I think of it is acting like you’re in a video game: what silly sound would a nose make when it’s touched?

Talk to them. Even if they don’t show signs of understanding what you’re saying, you’re helping their development and I think they feel respected and appreciated.

Master repetition and anticipation

Build your games on repetition and anticipation. A lot of children games work by getting the kid to understand that something is going to happen and having them wait for the climactic action, building anticipation:

Take guidance from parents

Observe how the parents interact with the kid. See if there are sounds or actions you could copy.

If the kid is very young (e.g., less than 6 months), ask the parents for guidance. Ask for advice if you’re uncertain about how to hold a baby —it’s not difficult, but there are certain things you should know.

Understand that the immune system of very young babies (under ~3 months) is underdeveloped and their parents may want to minimize the number of people in close contact. Respect that!

Manage moods

Don’t panic if they cry. Crying is not, in itself, a problem. Sometimes children cry for “silly” reasons. While you should respect their feelings/emotions (emotional pain is real!), you have to be the adult who knows better. “I know it makes you sad, but I can’t let you play with that knife.” Obviously, defer to the parents.

A children’s mood can swing drastically and quickly, based on things such as: